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MULANJE EXPATRIATES THREEPEAKS SOCIETY

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North Yorkshire, England. Wed 23 to Sat 26 May 2001

It was not the weather that had a good laugh at Axeman this time. Rather it was the foot-and-mouth epidemic that kept the party off the high fells and reduced them to walking on fenced tarmacadamed roads. Be that as it may, 13 people rocked up to partake of the waters at the Fountain, Hawes. The weather was hot and fine throughout — this helped to soften the tarmac and make slogging along roads that bit easier on the feet.

As usual it was Petzold that drew the short straw so far as accommodation was concerned. The noise and the fumes — could it be from the Garden of India restaurant — forced him to drive off and sleep in his car. Little good did this do him; the dawn chorus — early in these latitudes — of curlews and other birds shattered any further hopes of restful slumber.

Midnight Jack pitched up at the last moment and found himself accommodation at the only temperance hotel in Hawes. Midnight deserves to be called Wandering Jack. At one stage the membership list had his address shown as in Croatia and his phone number in Dar-es-Salaam.

Thursday's planned-for start at 10am was somewhat delayed while the Petzolds changed rooms. The walk started at Bainbridge and took the east road to Semerwater, then back via the west road and Countersett. A leisurely lunch then ensued at the Rose and Crown in Bainbridge, once famous for a dog that frequented the hostelry and could play dominoes.

After lunch there was a photo opportunity to catch Harriruo in the village stocks on the green — the only bit of non-tarmac walking all day. Then it was back to Countersett, where Socks' finely tuned antennae brought him into contact with the party. It was then off on the road over the Crag. A longish stretch of 1 in 4 brought the party to the highest point of the day at 1,367ft. From then on it was largely freewheeling down to Burtersett, Gayle and back to Hawes.

Mason has a counterpart in the celebrated Axeman of Hawes. In April this gentleman could be seen at work at his pitch in Gayle, morning, noon and night, come rain, come shine. However, there was no sign of him despite several visits to his site where he reduces boxes and pallets to firewood. But his axe and other equipment were there for all to see.

Friday's walk took place to Gayle, then along the Hawes-Ingleton road. Traffic was hotting up a bit for the bank-holiday weekend. The party nearly had to jump a wall to avoid instant death. Axeman: 'That blighter roaring away on his motorbike won't be able to hear the curlew!' Midnight Jack: 'And you won't see one on the back of his bike either!'

Near the viaduct on the road to Appersett there was a character dressed for all the world like a Dales farmer of 30 years ago — battered cloth cap, open-neck flannel collarless shirt, much worn Tweed jacket, mackintosh that had definitely seen better days, old trousers tied up with binder twine and an old pair of boots. However, in conversation it seemed he was from Lancashire and judging from his motorbike and its various loads he could only be the local rag-and-bone man. Quite a character.

From there the party strolled on to Hardraw, famous for the highest waterfall in England (96ft). Axeman brought the party to a perfectly adequate pub, the Green Dragon, but for reasons best known to themselves all except Axeman and Sadie scuttled off to some nearby tea shop. If there were a prick of the meet award on a mini-Meths it would certainly have gone to those delinquents.

Axeman rather disowned them in the afternoon and went off and had a pleasant half hour at Hardraw Force and then walked back via Sedbusk to Hawes.

That evening everyone went out for a sumptuous meal at the White Hart that not even the fastidious Socks could fault. Afterwards the Glee Club repaired to the Fountain and, suitably lubricated from the President's whisky bottle, held forth until about 1.30am. Failing memories were helped out by Mad Mike's Hash songbook. Ian "Axeman" Mason

Participants:

Ian "Mad Axeman" Mason, Sadie Mason, Brian "AMLH" Sayers and Jane, Dave "LBR" Harrison, "Midnight" Jack Bannister, "Mad" Mike Petzold and Verena, Maisie "Poet Laureate" Petzold, Eric "Polevault" Scott and Valerie, Stuart "Socks" Leslie and Rhoda.

Map: OS landranger 98.

National Park Website: www.yorkshiredales.org.uk